In the military a combat zone memorial service takes on incredible weight. Soldiers can’t linger or experience a prolonged period of mourning. They have to get their heads back in the fight at hand. This memorial service is their one chance to vent, let it out, deal with the loss so they can move on. We have traditions that are a part of every memorial service – in this case, a large patio was made into an assembly area. In front, four wooded stands form a platform for the four pair of desert tan boots perfectly spaced and centered, four M4 rifles with bayonets centered, upright, muzzle down, between each pair of boots, dog tags hung from each of the weapons, a Kevlar helmet mounted atop the butt of each weapon, and a framed picture of the Soldier leaned against the boots. It’s a stirring display. A display that is standard for us. The Soldiers who assemble it are typically Soldiers who were closest to the fallen ones. Great care goes into the components of the display. These few Soldiers will volunteer to share insight into the life, character, family, personality of the dead – their stories, labored through tears and gasps for breath, are real, funny, very personal and the heart of the service. This is “the remembering” phase.
Then there will be a “roll call’ for each of the lost. The Soldier’s First Sergeants will stand to out a normal roll call, which is conducted thousands of times in the life of a soldier. Loudly calling out three or four names of Solders present, each Soldier will shout back, “Here, First Sergeant!” Then, after a slight pause, the First Sergeant will call out the name of one of the fallen Soldiers followed by a horrible silence. After another pause, the First Sergeant will repeat the Soldier’s name three times each time adding clarity, volume and pronunciation to the name. The First Sergeant will repeat the call for each of the lost Soldiers. As the roll call unfolds the room, packed with battle hardened, rough and tough Soldiers of all ranks and skills, begins to erupt in emotional cries, shouts, angry rants, whimpering. You hear every possible vocalized emotion.
You have to witness it to truly grasp it. The roll call is “confronting the loss”
Then “Taps” is played. All the loud emotional venting stops as everyone stands at the position of attention for “Taps”. The playing of “Taps” is the “honoring the lost” phase. As if a switch was flipped in everyone’s
head, the first note of “Taps” forces the room to silence as the Soldiers regains their presence and bearing. The dead are being honored and Soldiers embrace this, regardless of their personal loss.
Finally, after “Taps”, Soldiers take turns, individually or in groups going to the front of the room to pay their last respects. This is “the good bye” phase. Soldiers approach the display, come to a halt, render a slow, methodical hand salute. Counting Three seconds up and three seconds down. Once the salute is rendered the Soldiers can say their goodbyes in their own way. Some stand for a moment, some kneel, some pray, some linger and others move away quickly. On the platform next to the boots is a small empty area for grieving Soldiers to leave items for their lost Soldiers. Some leave unit coins, some remove their own combat patches and leave them – some leave cigarettes, lighters, debts/money, letters, rank insignia, crosses, prayer beads, and all sorts of other mementos. These items will all be collected and presented to the family once the remains make it home.
This memorial service for four of their Soldiers recently lost was crushingly hard to watch. These fallen men all have heroic stories. Two displayed valor outside of my understanding, and one gave a total sacrifice for the rest of his unit. How does a Soldier experience such loss and go right back into the fight?
Kevin's Thoughts 