Age didn’t sneak up on any of us – as constant as nightfall, taxes and death, age is a relentless stalker – for me, age is no longer a hoarder of joy, stealing my days, erasing smiles, or crippling my stride – this may come as a surprise, but I am, at this place in my life, the person I have always wanted to be – I always saw myself as a pretty good guy, just not always everything I wanted to be – but now, I am the person, not the body, the intellect, or the presence I once thought was required of me – this realization is refreshing for a person who over thinks everything (seriously, everything).
I no longer fret over this body or strive to acquire a greater understanding – I am fine with more wrinkles, baggy eyes, a flat butt, and a slower pace – some days I am shocked by the old guy that lives in my mirrors, but I no longer agonize over that guy.
I am more comfortable and confident with my failing grasp of the changing world around me – I know enough to sustain the person I am, which is enough – I’ve released myself from the role of digging into so many bits and pieces of information – I focus more on fewer questions and issues – I pray for the ability to let meaningless issues slip out of view, and remain fixed only the meaningful – it’s like playing “Whack-A-Mole” with only one mole at the center of the board.
I have not seen my hair for years (sustaining a military cut), but I’d never trade my friends, my life, or my family for less gray hair, more physical strength, or striking insight – aging has made me more kind to others and myself – I have become less critical of myself (still working on being less critical of others) – I’ve become a pretty good friend to myself – I don’t beat myself up for eating cookies & ice cream, or not putting everything back in its place, or for buying things that only I understand – I allow myself to rest, be messy, and even procrastinate (if I want) – I believe, too many good people have left this world before they understood the great freedom that comes from embracing getting older.
I still work (a few more years) – I still have a great many chores – I still serve and volunteer – but, I also welcome the less productive events in my life – I like to read or write at all hours of the early morning, and nap in the middle of the day without guilt – I sing or dance alone to 60’s & 70s tunes (alone, cause I’m an awful dancer) – I linger over injustice and moral decline – I cry for the ignored and less fortunate – I sit longer, listen more and try harder to understand – I now wear what I want, despite the unapproving glances and rolling eyes.
I laugh at being more forgetful – poor Emily (my wife) is constantly picking up the pieces of my slipping mental prowess – perhaps, some of life is just as well forgotten, and I eventually remember the important things.
Over the years I’ve hurt others, and I’ve been hurt – terrible hurts with lasting scars – but, there’s also been healing, and perhaps we’re better for it – hurts and broken hearts give strength, understanding and teach compassion (I needed them all) – a life without hurt is a life without scars, and much needed lessons learned – a life without hurt will never know the joy of overcoming and growing – a well aged, weathered life is a mental outline of how to do life better in the morning.
I like what I like,
and I love what I love –
perhaps its a mystery to some,
but I hope this doesn’t change.
I can say ‘no’, and mean it –
I can say ‘yes’, and mean it –
hell, I can even say ‘yes’ and mean ‘no’ –
or say ‘no’ and mean ‘yes’ –
…it’s okay, because I am getting older (for better or worse).
It’s good to have lived long enough to see my hair fall out – to see my blue eyes turn gray, and my silliness fade for more subdued postures – but the wrinkles will never outnumber the memories, good times or adventures.
As I get older, it is easier to be positive – I have less concern about what other people think – I don’t question myself as much – I’ve even gained the right to be wrong more than I’m right, and realize the sky will not fall every time I’m wrong.
I like being older – it’s as simple as that – it has set me free in many ways – I’ve out lived many demons and dark places – I truly like the person I’m becoming – I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be…
…and I might even eat dessert any day I want.
Kevin's Thoughts 