“The Page”

Chapter 2 – Reminder: Chapter 1 is posted under “Longhand” of this site.

Greg raced south, weaving in and out of the fast lane on I-25 towards Colorado Springs – his anger lingered impacted his driving – he told himself his aggressive and reckless driving was justified – his mind struggled trying to defend sleeping with the wife of a deployed soldier – even more ridiculous he didn’t seem to mind that she was married, just that she was married to a soldier – the moral and immoral sides of his brain tried to figure out why it bothered him so much – his mental calisthenics labored with his dilemma – somehow, in his mind he could justify sleeping with the wife of a plumber, an architect, or a lawyer, but not a soldier.

He only had two choices, he needed to stop seeing Sarah, or he needed to get over the fact she was married to a soldier – in this case, his immoral brain betrayed him – deep down, he wanted to continue seeing Sarah – as the miles went by, he began to let his emotions relax – he knew he had to get himself under control before arriving home to his family.

Greg eased his truck into a slower lane, took a few deep breaths and forced himself to focus on other things – the cab of his truck was the best place for him to cool off – he loved his Dodge pickup and often used it as a sanctuary to clear his mind, unwind or just calm down – he had the truck for about two years – he loved it more now than the day his wife Kim surprised him with it – it was a tax refund gift from her – she sacrificed the new furniture and washer dryer set she wanted more than she needed to get the truck – Kim was sacrificial, and always looked after his needs more than her own.

He was actually in the truck the night he and Sarah’s improper relationship unexpectantly changed – after seeing the soldiers out partying, Greg realized he struggled with the fact that Ron, Sarah’s husband, was a soldier – and although not deployed right now, he would deploy later in the year – initially, Greg somehow justified sleeping with another man’s wife – in his mind, Greg and Sarah were meeting each other’s physical and emotional neglected needs… or something like that – Greg was good at self-satisfying justifications – but sleeping with the wife of a deployed soldier troubled him to the point of heavy fear and guilt – this new and growing fear was not initially factored when he compromised of his own marital vows.

His truck continued down the interstate tucked neatly among hundreds of other vehicles all headed in the same direction, at about the same speed – as exits flew by, Greg methodically removed and discarded his anger into the wet slushy tire tracks of the four lanes of southbound traffic  – he was getting better with this emotional transformation – it was much easier than it used to be, this was not something he was proud of.

Sarah stood at the window long after Greg left the parking lot – her tears continued to flow as guilt and anger overwhelmed her – she caught her own reflection in the window as she stared out of it – feeling foolish, she gathered herself, and what was left of her sanity – she took several deep breaths and wiped her face with her hands a few more times – finally, she turned and walked through the apartment to the master bathroom – the three bedroom, two bath, second floor dwelling was perfect for a young military family – discount furniture, modest furnishings, close to the Army base and essentials – it was exactly what a young married military couple and their new born son required – she scolded herself for crying while staring at her swollen eyes in the mirror over the vanity –  she wondered what her friend, who’s bathroom she stood in, would think about her compromising behavior – she toyed with explanations and excuses she would use if she ever got caught – she was starting to accumulate stories and lies she had to keep track of – lies to her husband Ron – lies to Greg’s wife Kim, who she knew – stories to co-workers and friends – she felt the weight of it all building on her frail emotional frame – Sarah and her husband Ron were friends with many military service members and their families – it was common for military families to befriend and look after one other – military families are frequently relocated as the needs of the Army move them from base to base – the easiest way to plug into a new location is reach out to, and hold fast to other military families – Sarah lied to herself in an attempt to justify being in the apartment – she wanted to believe being there had more to do with helping her friends, and nothing to do with Greg – but she knew better – she put both hands on the vanity and leaned forward still lying about her purpose for being there – she dropped her chin to her chest and whispered, “Stupid, stupid, stupid” through her clinched teeth.   

Kim bounced up from her fitness magazine when the oven timer chirped a harsh electronic tone informing her dinner was ready – she glanced in a hall mirror, ran her fingers through her recently frosted hair and smiled as she made her way to the open concept kitchen – a quick touch on a surface control panel ended the annoying continuous chirping and a bright oven light came on illuminating a perfect dinner entrée – Kim moved around her home and kitchen as graceful as a ballerina, wasting no steps or actions – pulling the steaming dish from the oven, she ran through a ‘dinner check list’ stored somewhere deep within her compartmentally well-organized mind – Kim’s life and surroundings were a well-oiled attractive and energy efficient machine – everything was ready and Greg would be home any minute now – her kitchen was spotless and impeccably organized – shiny countertops reflected size and color coordinated appliances, canisters and utensil storage cadies – she took great pride in all areas of their home, but the kitchen… it was her favorite – Kim’s trained eye could catch even the smallest item out of place anywhere in their home – her mild obsessive compulsive disorder would not let her walk passed an item out of place, a mess or undone task without making it ‘right’ – her husband Greg, never noticed any of these efforts, but her knowing everything was up to standard was enough – she smiled to herself, pleased with her proficiency.

Kim and Greg had been married over seventeen years – their two boys, ages eleven and thirteen were the center of her world  – they absorbed most of her attention and energy – although she was not able to keep the boy’s habits and rooms as pristine as her kitchen, she loved and cared for them passionately – her marriage to Greg had equal portions of good and bad times – she kept the bad times under control by being a passive, but not quite a submissive wife – she could hold her own when she needed to, and they both knew it – Kim either engaged, or purposely did not engage Greg’s ideas, suggestions, or input about the boys or the house – she was very calculating and manipulative in pursuit of her desired objectives – but, Kim really loved Greg – she loved caring for him and being his wife – why not, he was a good provider, she never worried about their financial abilities, their vehicles, their positions or their future – she also loved her role as the mom, driver, escort, equipment manager, cook, and maid to their sons – Kim had detailed and very elaborate plans for their boys – they were involved in all sorts of school, church and teenage activities – they were both athletic, smart and very promising – she was very proud of how her boys were turning out, and she bragged on them frequently – she had many friends who’s kids were far less than stellar – she reminded herself often of the growing number of successes shared by her boys – Kim’s life and it’s components were textbook examples of what she’d always dreamed of – she leaned against the island in her kitchen enjoying the extra few minutes she factored into her pre-dinner preparation – she glanced around at her gorgeous kitchen, the results of collaborated designs found in hundreds of ‘Southern Living’ magazines – she folded her arms as if to hug herself and stared silently at the hardwood floor – almost on cue, something caught her eye and she glanced up – the headlights from Greg’s truck flashed in the kitchen window and she smiled knowing her husband was home – he was home for her, she told herself – facing the ceiling, she sternly called her boys down for dinner – as she went to meet Greg she heard the boys rumbling down the stairs.

Sarah calmed her fear and guilt as she drove home from the failed secret rendezvous – she picked up take-out Chinese on the way – She took her time, listened to contemporary Christian music and drove slowly, specifically to help her calm down – it seemed she and Ron were always ‘on the go’ so take-out, or going out was their favorite meals – they didn’t sit at home much – they enjoyed an active life, especially if they were together – their twenty one year marriage had not chilled their energy for each other, or for the fast paced lives they lived – they had one daughter, Ronnie – she was in junior college and still lived in the basement of their tri-level seventies style home – Ron had just clocked eighteen years of military service – he was a very busy first sergeant of a deployable unit on Fort Carson – they looked forward to Ron reaching twenty years of service, retiring and taking less demanding job on or near a military base – Ron’s job was intense and stressful – his days were long and weekends often found him back at work – but, he loved being a first sergeant and took it seriously – his time with Sarah and their daughter was limited so they made the most of it – Colorado is a gold mine of day trips, adventures, and activities – they tapped into the Colorado life style and lived it every chance they got – their daughter’s interests slowly evolved as she became a young adult – Ronnie found herself out with friends, away from her parents more and more – they loved their daughter, but they also loved their recently rediscovered life without kids just as much – their near empty nest was transforming into their personal pleasure playground – they loved it – Sarah also loved her life, she volunteered on the base and tutored math and science for a local private Christian school – she loved teaching kids – she loved watching a struggling student overcome a stumbling block and confidently move forward with their education – Kim had majored in political science and minored in applied mathematics – she never pursued a teaching certificate or masters, so tutoring in private schools was perfect for her – her life allowed her freedom of movement and flexibility –  although she missed Ron during his deployments, his training exercises, and his demanding work hours, she also loved her independence – their lives were synced at points but also distant as the military demanded Ron’s attention – nearing their home Sarah touched the garage door opener and pulled into their driveway – she admired their manicured yard and well kept house as she pulled into the two car garage – the garage door closed behind her and she found herself sitting alone in her blue Volvo crossover XC60 –  the dimly lit garage comforted her as her mind went back to thoughts of Greg – cursing to herself, she pulled her phone from her tote bag and sent Greg a text message.    

Greg and the boys devoured their dinner and layered Kim with praises for the great meal – all three men in the house knew she thrived on their positive feedback, so they offered it often – after some surface level small talk, a kiss for mom and the boys quickly disappeared back upstairs – Kim cleaned the kitchen while Greg remained at the table with his laptop and phone working on something ‘critical’ and his endless emails – his phone hummed a familiar vibration – he flipped it over and saw the text message… from Sarah – without opening it, he glanced up at Kim still busily cleaning away in the kitchen – her fluid movements caught his attention – he continued to watch her work – she was still very attractive and constantly worked on her fitness and appearance –  he really loved her – he still craved their sex life after seventeen years of marriage, and often told her he did – he felt foolish for cheating on her, she was not the reason he cheated – he was his own nemesis – the cheating had more to do with his own desire to control and capture things – Greg knew he could never control Kim, but he also knew he didn’t need to – she took wonderful care of him and the boys – he’s eyes came back to his phone and he opened Sarah’s message – he read, “R U OK?” – he closed his eyes for a long second then deleted the message without replying to it – Kim startled him by asking if he was okay – Kim had noticed his few seconds of apparent meditation – he assured her he was fine and referenced some make-believe drama at work he was troubled over – he promised her he was finished with work for the night and closed his laptop.   

Sarah entered her garage door to the house and walked straight into their guest bathroom, flipped on the light and checked her face in the mirror – her eyes were no longer puffy and she smiled weakly at her reflection – she adjusted an exposed bra strap, fluffed her hair and brushed lint from her blouse – putting both hands on her hips she admired herself as she half turned from side to side in the mirror – she was a little heavier than she liked, but she knew Ron loved her full curves and behind – she returned to the garage to retrieve her purse, tote bag and take-out dinner from the car – passing through their well-furnished den she dropped her things on one of the couches – their home was designed for comfort and openness – they entertained a lot and their home was perfect for it – large rooms with lots of seating and ease of movement throughout the common areas – no sooner than Sarah placed the take-out dinner on the kitchen’s marbled breakfast bar she heard the garage door open again, Ron was home – Ron was home early – his early arrival panicked her and fear shot through her spin – she closed her eyes tightly and blew out a long slow breath – she reminded herself she had done nothing wrong… today – what if she had met with Greg today… what if she had spent an hour with Greg… what if Ron got home before she did and wanted to know where she had been, or why was she late – she held her arms stiff by her side and forced herself to calm down – what was she thinking, Ron never asked about her whereabouts or the times she arrived home – in fact she wondered early in her secret relationship, why Ron wasn’t more curious about her time away from home – she heard Ron enter the back door and drop keys, phone and a military designed book bag on a hall book shelf –  Ron was systematic with everything he did – Sarah had his end of day steps and actions memorized – she heard his military booted steps approaching and she turned to face him exactly at the time he stepped into the well lit spacious kitchen – she stepped toward him, they smiled and kissed – she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him hard, explaining that she had missed him today – their embrace lasted a second longer than normal – he felt her body tremble slightly, he pulled back and caught her eye – “you okay baby?” he asked in a concerned voice – she smiled a big smile, being careful not to look panicked or stressed, and quickly assured him she was fine – “…it must be the winter chill in the air” she explained – she kissed him again and stepped back into the kitchen.

Greg and Kim watched, and pretended to enjoy prime time mind numbing reality television – they were both lost in their own thoughts – Greg dozed off a few times lulled to sleep by the endless television chatter – sadly, Kim realized two hours had gone by without a word shared between them – she frowned to herself – the ‘fix it’ part of her mind wondered if she could have corrected the prolonged silence between them – truth be told, they were both just tired, ready to call it a night and turn in – she got up, stretched, yawned and glanced back down at him as if to imply her intentions – he asked her if she was headed up to bed and she acknowledged that she was – as she stepped away she poked a thumb in her waist band, pulling her pants down an inch or so and tempted him, “If you hurry you might get lucky.” – their eyes met and they smiled at each other – “On my way baby.” he told her – she pivoted away on one foot and left the room as he touched one of several remote controls that made the big screen television go blank – he listened for her foot steps in the master bathroom and picked up his cell phone – he sent a quick text message to Sarah that read, “WE NEED 2 TALK” – he had not text or emailed her in four weeks, he wondered how she would react to this message –  he got up, took two heavy glass tumblers from the den to the kitchen and left them on the counter near the sink – passing both boy’s rooms he told them each, “lights out thirty minutes.” – he entered the master bedroom, closed the door and began to undress – they made love… twice – surprised by their performance they giggled and hugged each other as their heart rates and breathing returned to normal – they kissed and exchanged ‘good nights’ – the last thing he did before sleeping was to check his phone on the bedside table for a messages… there was no message from Sarah.

Ron and Sarah ate their Chinese take-out sitting across from each other at the breakfast bar and watching the evening news – their home was a collection of unique furniture and furnishings from their many military travels – they had been stationed overseas in Germany, Korea and Italy – their stateside assignments were Texas, Georgia and now Colorado – they loved telling stories about their trips and adventures – their time in the military took them to many wonderful places and unique experiences – every room and every surface held a unique piece or object that told a story of their travels – Ron arranged his dinner in front of him – he had a systematic way of doing most things, to include eating – hungry, they ate rapidly and talked during commercials as the news hammered away – a few stories about work, a laugh or two and their conversation soon dwindled to a quiet room – finished eating, Ron stood, kissed Sarah on the forehead and moved to a better view of the television on sofa in the adjoining den – Sarah cleared the remains of their dinner and sat next to him – she looked over at him and realized he already dozed off – the demands of his long day and demanding week caught up with him – he was exhausted – she laughed to herself and leaned over, kissed him and took his hand – he stirred, “Let’s go up to bed.” she said – he insisted he was awake, and refocused his view on the television – Ron always said and did the same thing when he fell asleep watching TV – she knew to be patient and not press him – less than fifteen minutes later he was fast sleep again – she smiled, stood, took both of his hands and attempted to pull him up from the sofa – true to form, no argument from Ron this time, he was very tired and ready for bed – he got up and followed her to the bedroom – undressing quickly, he went right to bed and fell asleep fast and hard – he had no idea he left her wide awake, shaken and unnerved from her unpleasant experience with Greg – she laid down beside him and wished she could also sleep – for a long moment she stared at Ron’s silhouetted figure lying next to her – she was making sure he was fast asleep – careful not to wake him, she reached for her phone to reread Greg’s short text, “WE NEED 2 TALK” from earlier in the evening – she hit ‘reply’ and typed “WHERE / WHEN?” punched ‘send’ and watch the electronic message disappear from her phone’s display. 

(Chapter 3 coming soon.)