Fun facts I Discovered While Working From Home

Here are several fun facts I discovered while working from home over the last two and a half years – nothing earth shattering, but not at all uninteresting – enjoy:

Our Amazon delivery drivers are: Aleesha, Stephen, and Chip – Aleesha and Chip typically park on the street, and Stephen typically parks in the driveway – Aleesha and Chip appear to be fit and healthy – they do not seem to need the additional steps – Stephen, however, is not fit, and really could use the additional steps – although I’ve considered it, I have not mentioned this to Stephen.

We have two US Postal Service drivers that bring mail to us – one male, one female – the female mailperson always closes the mailbox door all the way – the male typically leaves the mailbox door partially opened – I’m sure there’s some subliminal message or indicator there, but so far I’ve been scared to pull that thread.

Our UPS delivery drivers remain unnamed – they appear to be avoiding me.

The vehicles used by Amazon, US Postal Service and UPS each make distinct sounds as they approach the house – I can normally identify the carrier by sound – the US Postal vehicle is overdue for new brakes.

Our microwave like most, has a carousel – the carousel rotates left or right with every other use – for the purpose of illustrating, imagine the carousel is like the face of a clock – meaning the 6:00 position is closest to the user – the 12:00 position is farthest away from the user – the 3:00 position is to the right of the user – and the 9:00 position is to the left of the user.

When rotating to the right, a cup of coffee starting at the 6:00 position stops at the 6:00 position, when operated for one minute, at 6 full rotations.

When rotating to the left, the same cup of coffee starting at the 6:00 position stops at the 3:00 position, when operated for one minute, at 5.75 rotations.

The carousel rotates slower to the left by 1.75 second per rotation – surprisingly, there was no discernable difference with the temperature of the coffee between left and right rotations.  

We have two ticking clocks within ear shot of the den where I work – the faintly noticeable ticking of these clocks are normally out of sequence with each other – at a random time in the morning on the 4^th day (Thursday for example) the ticking from the two clocks will tic-toc “in sequence” with each other for about 6 to 8 ticks, and then fall back out of sequence – the in sequencing returns again in the afternoon of the next 4^th day (Monday), and again in the morning of the next sequential 4^th day (Friday)  – oddly enough, I barely notice the clocks out of sequence ticking until they actually sequence with each other – the difference is so distinct that one can’t help but notice it.  

There are two ceiling fans in the vicinity of the den where I work – on their slowest setting, their rotations are clearly out of sync with each other – so far, I have not been able to detect any measurable syncing of the two ceiling fan’s rotations – this was a very frustrating development.

There are toilets upstairs and downstairs in the house – because of random repairs and maintenance, none of the toilets contain the same internal working systems that regulate the fill, flow and draining of the toilets – this anomaly prohibits any quantifiable parallel actions between the toilets – not to mention, I haven’t figured out how to be in more than one bathroom at a time, as I am the only person here – this is also very frustrating – there are no internal working systems associated with the back deck toilet “situation.”

The icemaker makes ice every 1 hour and 45 minutes, as long as there is a demand for ice triggered by the volume of ice in the ice dispensing bin – if there is no trigger, no ice will be made – we only have one icemaker so this topic is equally as frustrating as the topic of toilets – but I digress…..

Two and a half years is time enough to establish some trends and habits – here are some I’ve adopted:

The Four “S” Rule – no shirts, slacks, socks, or shoes during the workday.

Implementation of a multi-level relaxation pyramid – the number of naps and beer lunches authorized per workday grows exponentially with each consecutive 6 month period worked from home – for example:

1^st 6-month period = 1 thirty-minute nap.

2^nd 6-month period = 1 thirty minute, and 1 sixty minute nap.

3^rd 6-month period = 2 thirty minute, and 1 sixty minute nap, and 1 beer lunch.

4^th 6-month period = 2 thirty minute, and 1 sixty minute nap, and 2 beer lunch.

5^th 6-month period = 2 thirty minute, and 2 sixty minute naps, and 3 beer lunch.

6^th 6-month period = Apply (fake) sick leave in 1-week increments, or as desired.

Day time television should be considered a federal crime – it’s awful.

Working from the master bedroom in a semi-reclined position is authorized.

Household chores, trips, beer runs, and activities are authorized if wifi, or hotspot is available.

Any rain, wind, snow, or freezing conditions are cause for potential “power outages” or “unavailable wifi” – homebound employees are authorized to apply (fake) break in work schedule as needed.  

Yes, working from home has the potential for layers of personal and professional growth.

Please excuse me, its nap time…….