“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…”

Reflecting on the past often conjures up many emotions, good and bad – I have lived a full life with many memories – but, there is something about being deployed into real world combat situations that sticks with a person – my time in the military took me to many places, the least agreeable locations were Bosnia, Kosovo, Croatia, Iraq, Syria, Kuwait, Uzbekistan, Republic of Georgia, and Afghanistan.

My time in these (less than enjoyable) places left me with layers of memories and moments I often reflect on – oddly enough, many of these memories are not always the ones I thought would be most enduring.

Take a mental stroll with me through a few unique memories – memories are always best when shared with those you care about…

“There is a season. Turn! Turn! Turn!”

Deployments always come with unique medicines and shots meant to protect us in faraway lands – malaria pills is one of those medications – conditions in these underdeveloped locations were breeding grounds for malaria and similar challenges – so, in the first few weeks of our deployments, we took malaria pills daily until the dose naturally ran out – like the prize in the bottom of a Cracker Jack box, medications sometimes reveal unexpected side effects – who knew a regular dose of malaria pills, would mysteriously counter act the effectiveness of another daily regimented pill – specifically, birth control pills – seriously, who know?

One would like to think taking (or not taking) birth control pills in deployed military environments would be a nonissue – but, as we well know, boys will be boyz, and girls will be girlz – that being said, the need for effective birth control found itself in higher demand than was expected.

Some of the boyz and girlz, who relied on the miracle of the birth control pill were surprised when increasing numbers of female Soldiers displaying a motherly glow appeared in many base camps across the region – shock, surprise and a healthy dose of embarrassment was the order of the day.

The lesson learned? There is a time and place for all things – a season for all things – as Solomon illustrated in Ecclesiastes, and (5 thousand years later) by song writer, Pete Seeger in a song made famous by ‘The Byrds’ – knowing how to connect the right time, and right place for most things is important – word to the wise.

Perhaps, a less messy memory….

Sports seasons were a big deal while deployed – not everyone had internet access, so updates and scores were hit and miss – we only got a few games a week on Armed Forces Network (AFN), and games were broadcast at the butt-crack of dawn, local time – catching a game was often a physical challenge – but we didn’t care – we were excited for this familiar emotional connection to home, families and friends – sport’s seasons were something for us to get excited about it, and took our minds off the surrounding conditions.

The lesson learned? As it turned out, it was not the sports at all – the sports were just the path, or the opening that pinged the mental connections back to our homes, families, and friends – these connections were gold – priceless in a world that crushed most things positive or uplifting – not everyone enjoyed sports, but everyone enjoyed those connections.

A day by any other name is still day…

…a day – a day in the week, in the month – a day of most deployments – what do Soldiers think about daily – what are they focused on while deployed – what’s on the minds of Soldiers – certainly, each Soldier is unique, with unique family experiences, career plans, education levels, fears, hopes and dreams – but there are some commonalities – here are some things I found to be on the minds of Soldiers.

Disclaimer – I can only guess what all soldiers think about, but I can recall what countless Soldiers have shared with me – and there seem to be some patterns.

Soldiers hate port-a-johns.

Soldier loath the compromised, filthy, and hellish requirement it is to use a port-a-john in deployed conditions – these port-a-johns are NOT the well-kept, serviced, maintained facilities you normally find at outdoor events (county fairs, rodeos, flea markets, etc…) – most Soldiers would find it safer, and more hygienic to have a battle-buddy cover them, while they “cop-a-squat” over an improvised field expedient latrine – on a good note, they are now more grateful for all thing’s porcelain, tiled and clean – many may even sleep in their bathtubs when they get home.

Who’s the new guy?

Soldiers use sports to take the edge off – sports chatter is a great equalizers, conversation starter, and opportunity to traverse the awkwardness of deployment conversation dead space – football tops all other sports followed closely by basketball and then baseball – the minor sports (tennis, golf, soccer, etc…) are addressed, but on a much smaller scale – fantasy leagues, betting pools, and brackets are a big deal – there are strongly defined regional lines along east coast vs west coast – ACC – SEC – PAC 10 – etc… – deployments naturally generate fear, fatigue, frustration, boredom, anger, etc… sports is a quick safe way to ask, “Are you okay?” – without having to ask, “Are you okay?”

Church, it does the body (and soul) good.

All Soldiers are religious at some point in their deployment (true statement) – religious beliefs and traditions are very personal, largely respected, and seldom looked down on while deployed (which is not always the case when not deployed) – Soldiers will go to great lengths to make accommodations for each other, so each person has time for their religious beliefs – small groups and individual quiet time are much more prevalent than organized studies or services – Soldiers just need some (Spiritual) space – Gospel (full flavored) services are more common and vocal than (paint by numbers) Protestant services, followed closely by Catholic services – there are variety of other services LDS, Muslim, 7th Day, Wiccan, etc., etc. (pretty much everything but, “bark at the moon”) – most Soldiers like some version of quiet, alone, peaceful time – it’s not always traditional, but God gets it – God loves Soldiers.    

Stop looking at me!

Soldiers struggle with the lack of privacy – someone is always in your face, all the time – it’s very hard to find time alone – you’d be surprised how much you can miss being alone, until you try to exist without it – for example, try taking a shower with six of your next door neighbors in the bathroom with you – see how that goes over – privacy really is a bid deal – Soldiers get pretty good at noticing when a peer or coworker just needs to be left alone – there are clues and signs – sometimes, they need ‘alone time’ for reasons that are unique to each person – Soldiers learn when to help, and when to back off – tragically, there can be those (commando helpers) who feel like they MUST provide (over the top) help or assistance – they mean well, but they haven’t yet acquired the insight or experience to know how, or when to proceed without making things worse – situations like this seldom end well – typically someone will over press – an argument ensues –  that evolves into name calling  – which quickly becomes loud – and finally the conflicting parties start talking about each other’s mothers, heritage or physical attributes – it really goes downhill from there – yep, lack of privacy is a challenge – but, so is isolation – Soldiers learn each other so well, that it becomes second nature for them to know when to press, or when not to – these relationships are critical and often lasting.

There are thousands of books and courses that teach the positive aspects of NOT being alone – there are an equal number of books and courses that teach the positive aspects of being alone – perhaps it’s a balance – no doubt about it, spend some time deployed and see how quickly these relationship norms surface.

Catastrophic events suck – injuries suck – death sucks.

Soldiers typically don’t linger, or dwell on death (outwardly) – the same can be true for serious injury to fellow Soldiers – initially, it’s very hard when death or injury happens – then Soldiers try to move on as quickly as possible – moving on is largely for the benefit of day to day events and conditions  – there are real world duties that require a Soldier’s time and attention, even in the face of death – some Soldiers are troubled if they find themselves moving on too easily – they’re angry, or confused with themselves for effectively engaging in missions, or enjoying themselves just days after a tragic event – the weight of this internal conflict looms large in hearts, minds and souls of Soldiers – each Soldiers has unique ways of managing this weight – sometimes, if they’re lucky, the weigh diminishes – sometimes, it grows – it can grow like an emotional cancer, attaching itself to its host for life – the military leverages respectful, reverent events to help Soldiers manage this weight – these events allow emotions to flow by way of ramp ceremonies, memorial services, playing of Taps, Soldier’s roll call, etc… – outside of these events, many Soldiers find unique ways to deliberately move on – tragically, there are many who don’t (or can’t) move on – in these cases, the weight refuses to leave them.

NOTE: There will never be a “one size fits all” PTSD diagnosis or treatment – the impact of PTSD on an individual is as unique as a fingerprint – many members of the public are perplexed with how to interact with those who suffer from PTSD – when in doubt, remember there is no substitute for respect, dignity, a little humor, and always kindness.

Soldier’s hate to be bored.

Soldiers read a lot – books, magazines, letters, newspaper (even outdated ones) – reading is an escape and sometimes a sleep aid – sleep does not always come naturally when deployed – Soldiers regularly pass reading material among each other – the variety of reading material available is unlimited and amazing – new reading material in the mail is always a good day for Soldiers.

Soldiers also watch tons of movies – mostly bootlegged copies of movies (quite common in deployed regions) – just like reading material, they pass moves among each other – most Soldiers have personal computers of mini-DVD players to watch movies on – sometimes a projector will be used to show movies on a wall or outside for a group movie event – just like reading material, movies are an escape.

Reading and movies let Soldiers to take a mental stroll, adventure, or plunge into another world – in most cases, these transformations allow their minds to take a psychological pause – there are a great many advantages for Soldiers to mentally regroup, refocus and remember there is more to their lives than the conditions they find themselves in.

Soldiers love to hang out and bullshitting (chatter) – at some point in everyone’s day, they hung out (often after dark) – hang out spots are normally the same (dining facility, gym, motor pool, smoke area, break area, etc…) – hang out groups are typically the same faces – the group is not always people you work with, or spend the day with – hang out chatter topics tend to be the same: sports, movies, culture, politics, families, hobbies, relationships, etc – but, seldom venture into work or mission related topics – hanging out is also a chance to vent about less meaningful, but frustrating things – venting is therapeutic – Soldiers who hang out together achieve exceptional bonds with each other – loyalty to each other – trust among each other – and willingness to sacrifice for each other – hanging out is a good – bonds are good.    

Soldiers never stop missing home.

Home is a mental movie playing on repeat in the back of a Soldier’s mind – each Soldier’s home movie has a cast of family, loved ones, and events from lives they left behind – home is always on their minds – the simplest things remind a Soldier of home – home is the focus that drives a Soldier out of bed each day – home is the force that moves a soldier through hard days – home is also the reason Soldiers never stop thinking about being in harm’s way – being in harm’s way is another mental weight carried by Soldiers – home is why they carry this weight.

On their best day, a deployed Soldier is always in harm’s way.

Most people live with a certain level of risk – risk is naturally associated with activities and events that contain mitigatable risk factors (i.e. traffic, natural disasters, crime, etc…) – distinctly set apart from those, are people who put themselves into harm’s way as a means of employment i.e. policemen, firemen, EMTs, military service members, etc…

For reasons known only to them, entering into harm’s way is their chosen profession – these men and women entered into real threat, knowing they would not always be able to mitigate the risk – their motives range from money, education, training, tradition, and adventure – regardless of each motive, the underlying trend was typically the same, service to something greater than themselves.

Oscar Wilde had no idea…

A portion of one of Wilde’s quotes, “expect the unexpected” became a common phrase as Soldiers left for missions or assumed a post – use of the quote was meant to help Solders remember they couldn’t always mitigate all the risks, so they should “expect the unexpected” – but somehow, expecting the unexpected was not always enough…

…the unexpected happened on a major supply route, through seemingly tranquil farm land, in a country that didn’t understand our being there – the area was under surveillance, but enemy activity was not expected – we believed the area to be at risk, but secure – our brigade lost seven Soldiers in one day, in two separate incidents, less than three hours apart – it was horrific and certainly unexpected – killed that day was one chaplain, two drivers, one fuel handler, two infantrymen, and one EOD specialist –  their rank structures were two officers, three NCOs,  and two Soldiers –  they were four fathers, five husbands, all but one, were sons of living parents, and all were Soldiers….

There is no recipe or checklist to prepare Soldiers for a day like this – it’s not just another day, in a long string of days on a deployment in harm’s way – it’s a day they will never forget – of course, the hang outs, close quarters, and sports chatter can help – church, relationships, and bonds will continue to harden their mental strength – tasks and events will soon come back into focus – but, they will never forget, they are deployed Soldiers.

…Soldiers who put themselves into harm’s way each day – a day – a day in the week, in the month – what do Soldiers think about or focus on – what’s on the minds of Soldiers – many things, but mostly home.